When you enter a life of travel, you accept that one of the shining beacons on the immediate Horizon is the Disney Empire. It is an aspect of our working life that you ignore at your peril. Disney is packaged American wholesomeness, strung together like a chain of goodie two-shoe pearls along the travel landscape. Now, more than ever, it is a collection of travel products that brings equal measure of feel-good satisfaction to those who book the products and the company’s loyal cult of end users.
There is some sense of comfort in the fact that Disney still favors hiring clean cut cast members from the Midwest. Disney has never lost its “Aw-Shucks” glow. Job interviewees are still put on Delta flights into Orlando. One Disney exec confided that “there is usually a long line waiting for the rest room during the last hour of the flight from Chicago. It’s a last chance for Disney job seekers to shave facial hair and to remove Goth jewelry accents.” Mickey doesn’t favor tats or piercings.
Disney has been so successful that other countries are stepping up plans to build “amusement parks” on a somewhat lesser scale. There a few I thought I would mention just in case you are seeking an out-of-country Disney alternative. I do want to be certain that we have not overlooked the “Disney Alternatives.”
The big news, of course, reported by the BBC and Time, is that construction has already begun on The Hazara Heritage Park and Amusement City. The site of this new theme park, which will include a lake for water sports, a miniature golf course, restaurants, and a butterfly zoo, is just outside Abbottabad in Pakistan. Yes, that Abbottbad!
It seems that members of the Pakistani Parliament feel that the town has had its reputation unfairly diminished by its association with Osama bin Laden. They want to show the world that there is no terrorism in this part of the country and that the people are not extremists. The park is being built in Khyber Pakhunkwa province to provide more activities for families and young people. Officials are hopeful that a planned Ferris wheel will be part of the new amusement park. This will, of course, be the largest Ferris wheel in Pakistan and it could serve to confuse a drone headed for one of its occupants.
If a new amusement park in this area sounds odd, it is important to note that Abbottbad has long been a popular tourism destination locally and for a few intrepid travelers from England, Germany, and Switzerland, nations whose citizens will put some wear on their walking boots just about anywhere they can. The town is actually considered a gateway to the Karakoram Himalayas and the Hindu Kush. The weather and general peaceful countryside has made the area a place where wealthy Pakistanis strive to send their children for study and the area is home to several educational institutions with good reputations.
But that is not the first amusement park I am going to want to visit. First, I want to go to La Caminata Nocturna in Hidalgo, Mexico. Writing in “Foreign Policy” Benjamin Pauker describes the thrill of the organized “night hikes” being offered in the Parque EcoAlberto, which is about three hours north of Mexico City. This Amusement Park, run by the Hnahnu Indians for wealthy Mexicans and just a few tuned-in tourists, is a complete simulation of life on the run for the thousands of Mexicans who attempt to cross into the United States over the border each year.
Think of fake border agents pulling up out of the darkness in pick-up trucks firing real guns loaded with blanks. Those visiting the park and doing the simulation have to run for cover, hiding behind cactus and crawling under fences. If Goofy or Mickey showed up they would likely be arrested.
Travel bloggers, all 1 billion of them, discovered Love Land, long before I made its acquaintance. It is located on Cheju Island, just off the coast of South Korea and it I said to be an amusement park specifically designed to appeal to couples in love and newlyweds. I can’t describe many of the attractions in this park so let’s just say visitors get to view educational sex films, and walk among a rather amazing collection of stone phallic symbols and sculptures designed to show things you might have missed in your readings of the Kama Sutra.
Dicken’s World in Kent, England, is a wonderful stop on your way through England, particularly if you’ve been happy and feel that a little depression might be in order. The park presents a look back at at horrible poverty during the Victorian age. The tour of Marshalsea Prison is as unpleasant as you might imagine and throughout the village one sees hungry, tattered children, or at least, bad actors portraying them. But I’m not sure of this one. There might be value in taking some of our spoiled, iPhone carrying kiddies, and showing them what “austerity” really looked like.
Beijing’s Shijingshan Amusement Park is a world of its own. It is essentially a rip-off of every other popular park and the purpose of bringing your child here must be to demonstrate China’s total lack of interest in laws covering copyright infringement. You can have your picture taken with the “duck: or “Girl Cat”, each of whom bears a striking resemblance to Donald and Minnie. Wander this park and you will find a sleeping beauty, glass slippers, and a slew of Japanese cartoon character rip-offs. The “amusement” in this park is that it is obviously all fake and based on other people’s creativity. But the park officials acknowledge none of this.
I think I’ve saved the best for last. Universal is nice, and so is Dollywood. But nothing says amusement like Grutas Park in Druskininkai, Lithuania.
This is an amusement park that aims to take the visitor back to the good old days of Stalinism. It is a wistful glimpse into “Gulag Life” with Gulag food like starch jelly served in the on-site café.
The kiddies will love it as they enjoy the playground surrounded by vandalized statues of communist figureheads. It’s really a great collection, perhaps the largest in Eastern Europe. But the highlight of a visit to Grutas Park is a ride on the Gulag train, something the geniuses at Disney could never conceive. The train is meant to give visitors a feel for what it must have been like inside a cattle car headed for Siberia in the middle of winter.
